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Sep. 9th, 2009

Bye, LiveJournal.

It was fun.

If anyone else has blogspot, follow me and I'll follow you.


I won't be coming back on here anymore though.

Sep. 3rd, 2009

(no subject)


So I'm having a little get together at david's house with some booze, a few friends and good times. I wouldn't mind having an actual party, but I need a house for that.
But midnight on Friday, me, David, Kim and Krysta and whoever else wants to are going to go to a bar. Probably Amy's or Mr. V's or Ricky's.
Then later his month or next, VEGAS. Not a long trip, just a couple days. Enough time so that we can go to the clubs. Yay :)

Aug. 2nd, 2009

more plans

7.) Do either the 3 week summer shot program at musicians institute, or the 3 month program along with my other studies. For singing of course, just to get (hopefully a lot) better. The open house at MI was amazing, and it sort confirmed even more that this is what we are doing.

Traffic in LA fucking sucks so hard. That is only part of this that I dread. Which is why public transportation is going to be my BFF over there.

Jul. 28th, 2009

(no subject)

So, me and David have a new goal. It's a a huge change and the only way it will work is if everything goes perfectly according to plan. Here it is:

1.) We finish our pre requisites at VVC. (probably takes 1-2 years)
2.) Find a studio apartment in Hollywood. (Cheap as fucking possible. We found some little ones for around $900, so that was pretty awesome.)
3.) David transfer to Budweiser in hollywood or find a new job.
4.) I get a job down there.
5.) David transfer to MI (Musicians Institute in Hollywood).
6.) I transfer to UCLA.

Now if everything goes well and we get accepted to the schools and find good jobs down there, then we are fucking set. It's only a couple hours away from everyone in Victorville, we'll visit all the time, and it will be the most amazing life change ever. We will probably not eat very often and be broke 24/7, but we don't even fucking care because it's what we want. We honestly have never been so set on something in life, never so passionate. I'm going to try to get through my classes as fast as possible and get a job so I can start saving. I can't contain the excitement, it's motivation for my job hunting and my classes.

When we found out Musicians Institute was actually in Hollywood, (we previously thought it was in Long beach, which I was ecstatic for), I was a little afraid because I've never really wanted to have anything to do with that scene. But we talked it over and I realized how much fun it is going to be, and what a life experience it will be to live there. It's a fresh new start. New people, new places. Oh god, I can't wait.

Jun. 14th, 2009

(no subject)

This post secret made me cry:

In a happy way, of course. I don't know why it touched me so much.


I'm battling my own demons. Sometimes it's like a seesaw, but usually I'm winning. I'm happy that I am becoming less and less hurt by certain things (that are too personal to put right here.) because it feels empowering and it feels good. At worst I have become numb to it. At best I took it on, and I've overcome it. Either way it's working and it's helping. Yay me.

May. 30th, 2009

I'll have a nice cup of Blame the Patriarchy, please.

I was browsing myspace today and I came across someone that was sort of my friend at one point in time and saw that she got breast implants. It wasn't out of her character at all, but it was still weird. All these girls that were super popular in high school and were gorgeous still are not cool with their bodies, and will strive and strive to look exactly like women in tv and movies and porn.
It just sort of makes the unattainable beauty standard even more realistic to me, because it's right there in my face. Not some random person, but someone I knew. Someone whose body looked perfectly gorgeous before the breast implants. She didn't even have small boobs before the implants, they were like a B cup. Not that that matters, but it just shows that we all view ourselves differently than what we are.
The interesting thing about breast implants is that they are not even realistic looking. Natural big boobs are heavy and they will never be extremely high up on the body like fake boobs, no matter how young you are. So it's not like women want natural looking big boobs, they want boobs that don't even really exist....the kind that are big while still sitting impossibly high on the chest.
So even women with ACTUAL big boobs are unsatisfied because they don't look like fake boobs. Not all women obviously, because some women are more affected by the beauty standard than others.
I'm ready for women to say fuck you to the beauty standards. I'm ready for women to accept their bodies no matter how big or small their boobs are. I'm ready for women and men to love their bodies and fucking demand a revolution.

May. 17th, 2009

I was talking to someone I love tonight and..

It seems like we all share the same insecurities, and we all realize how tough they are to overcome. We all want people to love us and want people to want to be around us. And if we ever think for one second there is something unlikeable about ourselves, we shame ourselves for it, and feel bad about it.
I'm going to work long and hard on loving myself unconditionally, inside and out. Be comfortable in my own skin. See myself the way I truly am, instead of in a negative light. Forgive myself and others for the small things, for the big things. I'm not going to get upset over little things, I'm going to walk with the highest confidence no matter how I feel on the inside. All the makeup in the world can't cover up negativity. It can't cover up jealousy or pride. Being beautiful and likable can only happen if you love yourself. If you love yourself, others are going to want to love you too. Not parts of yourself, but your whole self. If you feel good, if you smile with inner beauty, people are going to be attracted to you. If you're warm and inviting and nonjudgmental, people are going to gravitate towards you. Easier said than done, right? It's going to be hard, but I can do it. I know I can and I've just got to make a conscious effort.

Apr. 25th, 2009


I want my own place so bad. I want my own car so bad. It doesn't even have to be nice, just drivable.  I'm sooooo ready to be independent. I don't know why I've been feeling this so strongly lately. I'm grateful for all that I have living here. And it would be so hard to live on my own anytime soon unless I find a badass high paying job. But I have an itch and it won't go away until I have my own little place.

Apr. 10th, 2009


It hurts how bad I want her to be my girlfriend.
No, really. I'm serious. If I had a girlfriend I'd want her to be like this:


She doesn't have to be as gorgeous as Dii, but in general I WANT.

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